Tuesday, April 5, 2011

"Men are Just Smarter, That's All"

Good news, ladies! "Science" has proven that guys are just smarter than we are!
"For example, women are not great at math. We women can get by-in a world of mediocre performances. But in the world of hotshot math, women are outclassed."
Well, that tears it. I guess I'll just give up now. Poor little me, with my "mediocre" brain, will just go sit in the corner and let the boys run the show. 'Cause I'm just simply "outclassed". Thank God I found out about this before I tried to pursue a career in math! I'm so relieved to know that it's not my fault if I'm bad at math, it's simply "natural".

A Man? No. You are a boy.

"Hey, Daddy, is this shirt too provocative?"
"Daddy, look at this skirt. Does it create sinful, lustful thoughts in your mind?
*shudders* Too creeepy. Sounds like the script for a bad porn movie, am I right? But, no...that's what an unidentified Christian college student suggests women do. This guy tells us that just getting from class to class every day is a "battle" and that he has to listen to worship music and pray and recite scripture to resist the "temptation" of provocatively dressed women on campus. If it's that bloody difficult not to stare down girl's shirts, you really need therapy. Give your gender a little credit here, man. They've already got it cut out for them, trying to prove that sex isn't all they think about. Anyone can appreciate a nice-looking body without wanting to put their hands all over it, dude. If all you can think about when you see a girl in butt-hugging jeans or a V-neck shirt is how much you want to grab her boobs, then you definitely do not belong in college. Maybe seventh grade, with all the other horny little preteens.
Oh, and my favorite part? (Direct quote, I swear): "I am thankful that God has created me to be attracted to women". Translation: "Thank God I'm not gay."
"There are girls everywhere." Horror! Shock! GIRLS?? Oh, noes!!!

So now I really wanna buy some itty-bitty skirts and super-low cut shirts, just out of scientific curiosity. Think his head would explode? or would he fall to his knees and cry out to the Holy Spirit for mercy? It'd be interesting, don't you think?
"Consider this a message on behalf of men." Um, no. Because men, grown, mature men, are not that desperate. Twelve-year-old middle school boys are.
Believe me, I know guys think about sex a lot. Possibly constantly, in some cases. (coughex-boyfriendcough) But, jeez, tarring them all with the same brush seems a little harsh.
If your thoughts, when you look at an attractive woman, are first and foremost about sex, then you consider women sex objects. Don't try to pin this one on us, sugar. You can't keep your head out of the gutter, but you're gonna blame it on me in a V-neck shirt? Blaming women for being "tempting" is just a church-approved way of avoiding responsibility.
One last fun quote:
"Have your dad screen your wardrobe. He's a guy. He knows more than you do on the issue."
Scary, am I right?

I went to the website of Pastor C.J. Mahaney, the cited maker of this sermon video. I couldn't find the video, so I'm not sure if he's to blame for this, but on the "modesty" section of his blog, I found some invaluable advice on modesty (for women only, mind you. Cause, you know, guys are flawless. Chicks are vile temptresses).
It's all very carefully worded, very gentle admonishments. Kudos to Pr. Mahaney for giving us the benefit of the doubt- maybe we just don't REALIZE that we're tempting men down the path of evil to burn in hell for eternity. I've arranged his comments and advice into helpful, sarcastic bullet points.

-Women should always ask for men's advice on clothing. A girl should ask her father if her clothes are too skanky (never mind that every mom I know is way more concerned about that than the dads), and a woman should ask her husband or another trusted friend. ("Honey, is skirt too short?" "Not short enough! I mean...no...")
-Women should reflect "the transforming power of the gospels". How the hell does a wardrobe reflect a gospel? Should my panties have a picture of a cross on them, so when people see them under my miniskirt, they think of Jesus and not sex?
-Women should not draw attention to their bodies. Women should not be proud. It's a sin. And it makes guys horny.
-You and some man in your life (father, husband, sassy gay friend, whatever) should pray over your wardrobe. Seriously.
-Women should not make decisions by themselves. Because that never ends well.

Saturday, April 2, 2011


Besides being hilarious, this is a pretty damned good way of handling the discovery that your daughter kisses girls. It really should be just this simple.

Update: It should go to the right link now...